And the plot thickens

Alrighty, so ya'll remember that I went to a new rheumatologist recently and she needed a lot of blood, yeah? Of course you do, and if you don't please feel free to click the post tree thingy over on the left (Minta is not a pincushion, yeah, that's the one).

So the results are in and they aren't good. It's taken me a couple of days to get to the point to be able to write this, they're so not good. Here's the basics:

• I am Vitamin D deficient, despite taking a daily pre-natal and drinking loads of milk.
• My white blood cell count is up, probably from the prednisone.
• My white blood cells are small, probably because of the anemia.
• I'm anemic, despite the daily pre-natal.
• I have monoclonal proteins in my blood serum.

Do what, now? What the flip does that mean? Yeah, that was my reaction, too. Well, apparently auto-immune diseases, like rheumatoid arthritis, increase your likelihood of developing certain lymphomas and one of the tests she ran was to check for lymphomas. And it came back positive.

This. Can. Not. Be. Happening.

Right, but it is. So, no this doesn't necessarily mean that I have cancer right now. It means that I need tests to find out if I have cancer right now, or if I have a disease that leads to cancer later. I am awaiting further blood tests; however, from what I've read online, it looks like I need to see an oncologist either way.

So, because I need to make lists in order to not go insane here is a list of the possibilities:

• Monoclonal Gammopathy of Undetermined Significance: Not cancer, 25% chance of developing cancer later, causes osteoporosis, requires yearly screening for cancer. Best case scenario...
• Multiple Myeloma: Cancer of the plasma cell, incurable but treatable, 5 year survival rates are rising rapidly but still under 50%
• Other Lymphomas: Cancer, incurable
• Amyloidosis: Not cancer (I think), causes organ failure by depositing too much of a weird protein in organs (again, I think), incurable

The other possibility... the test is wrong and I have no monoclonal protein. I tend to be more of a realist, and while I'm hoping like hell that's the case, it probably isn't. My doctor only gave me the top two as possibilities, I found the other two by doing my own research. My doctor says don't worry, it's probably the top one. For some reason that's not terribly comforting to me.

So, here I'm dealing with this and ovulation is supposed to occur any day, now. I don't know what to do. We've been trying for so long and I hate to miss any opportunity. On the other hand, I can't do chemo while pregnant, plus what if I don't make it, I can't leave Gar to raise the baby alone, if we're finally successful. I don't know who to talk to about this. I feel so alone.